My girlfriend (43) has been keeping her ex’s number hidden under her friend’s name, and it’s really bothering me. I let my insecurities get the best of me after some comments she made about her ex during arguments. While going through her old emails, I found his number and noticed it was saved in her phone as her best friend’s contact. When I confronted her, she claimed she didn’t know how it got there, which I find hard to believe.
Now, I’m worried that when her friend calls, it might actually be her ex on the line. While I genuinely think she isn’t in contact with him, this situation raises a significant red flag. We have a lot of good things going for us, but part of me is considering ending the relationship, while the other part thinks she deserves a second chance. What should I do?
It’s understandable that you’re feeling conflicted and hurt right now. Trust is a fundamental part of any relationship, and discovering something like this can understandably provoke insecurities and doubts. Here are a few steps you might consider taking:
Reflect on Trust: Consider the overall context of your relationship. Have there been other instances that have made you question her honesty, or is this an isolated incident? Evaluate whether this behavior aligns with your understanding of her character and whether you believe it was intentional or just a misstep.
Communicate Openly: Instead of jumping to conclusions, have an open and honest conversation with her about how you feel. Share your concerns and insecurities without being accusatory. Express how her hiding her ex’s number affects your trust and emotional well-being.
Give It Time: If this is a relationship that has many positives, it might be worth taking some time to see if she can rebuild your trust. However, ensure that both of you agree on what trust means in your relationship and how to uphold it going forward.
Set Boundaries: Discuss what both of you need in terms of transparency and boundaries regarding past relationships. This can help reinforce trust and provide a clearer understanding of expectations moving forward.
Trust Your Instincts: Ultimately, you know your relationship and your feelings better than anyone else. If you feel that this behavior is a dealbreaker for you, it’s okay to prioritize your emotional health. On the other hand, if you feel confident in her love and commitment, and she demonstrates that she is willing to be open and honest in the future, giving her a second chance could be valid.
Seek Professional Help: If you’re finding it difficult to navigate your feelings, consider talking to a therapist or counselor, either individually or as a couple. They can provide valuable insights and tools to help you work through trust issues.
Whatever path you decide to take, make sure it’s in alignment with your values and what you ultimately want in a relationship.