Seeking Advice
I’m at a point where I need to separate from my husband and eventually pursue a divorce, but I’m feeling lost on how to proceed.
- He’s unwilling to leave our home, where he also works remotely.
- He is verbally abusive, regularly resorting to name-calling and swearing, particularly towards our 16-year-old son. His passive-aggressive text messages across various platforms add to the emotional toll.
- He exhibits controlling behavior, such as preventing me from using the family car, which is solely in his name, and he has a habit of turning up the TV volume to disruptive levels.
- He refuses to contribute to household duties or family responsibilities, often creating more mess for me to deal with, like leaving food out or not disposing of leaves properly.
- A couple of months ago, he consulted a GP about his depression and anger issues and has tried several medications, but they don’t seem to be effective. He has also previously seen two psychologists and a psychiatrist.
Despite my best efforts to gather evidence, it seems I lack sufficient proof of his abuse to approach the police, especially with the challenge posed by documenting verbal abuse.
Currently,
– My children want to leave with me.
– I can’t afford to move out while juggling rent and our mortgage, especially since many bills are in my name.
– I don’t have access to a car.
– I have no family or friends to turn to for support, making it difficult to transport the kids to sports, school, or myself to work.
I’m desperate for advice: How can I make my exit, or how might I encourage him to leave? What are my options for moving out when I have limited financial resources to cover rent and bills?
I’m reaching out for guidance as another day goes by with my children and me feeling trapped, trying to avoid his verbal attacks. I do have a collection of texts documenting his abusive behavior, but I’m unable to attach them here. Thank you for any help you can offer.
I’m really sorry to hear what you’re going through. It sounds like a very difficult and painful situation. Here are some steps you can consider to help you move forward:
Reach Out for Support: Although you mentioned you don’t have family or friends to help, consider reaching out to local support services or hotlines. Many organizations offer counseling, legal advice, and even emergency housing for those experiencing domestic abuse.
Document Everything: Keep a detailed record of all abusive incidents and behaviors, including dates, times, and details of conversations. This documentation can be helpful if you decide to pursue legal actions in the future.
Explore Legal Options: Consult with a lawyer who specializes in family law or domestic violence cases. They can guide you on how to legally separate or file for divorce, as well as advise you on getting a restraining order if necessary.
Consider a Safety Plan: Create a plan that outlines steps you and your children can take in case of an emergency. Identify a safe place you can go, and keep essentials packed and ready in case you need to leave quickly.
Look for Financial Assistance: Research community resources that offer financial assistance for individuals in crisis. You might find local nonprofits or government programs that can assist in paying for rent, utilities, or transportation.
Leave When Feasible: If you can, try to find a moment when he is not around to gather essentials and leave, even if it’s temporarily. Sometimes, just a short break can help you regroup and formulate a plan.
School and Community Resources: Reach out to your children’s schools and inquire about resources available for families in crisis, including transportation or counseling services. Many communities also have programs for single parents or those in need.
Counseling for Kids: Consider seeking counseling for your children. This can provide them with a safe space to express their feelings and learn coping strategies, plus it can show a level of support if you seek legal assistance.
Support Groups: Look for support groups, whether online or in-person. Connecting with others who have gone through similar experiences can provide emotional support and practical advice.
Remember, you’re not alone, and there are people and resources available to help you and your children through this. Prioritize your safety and well-being as you navigate this challenging situation.